Emotional Spending: 6 Ways to Avoid Shopping Therapy
Emotional spending AKA shopping therapy can be avoided once we realize why we are spending money to make ourselves feel better. Emotional spending isn’t just about buying clothes or whipping out a credit card to click “buy now” on Amazon.
It’s more about the relief, distraction, and satisfaction that spending money can give us.
We pick up snacks in hope of feeling better, spend money on alcoholic beverages, and blame how we feel that day on all the things we do not have. It’s natural to want more, this greed is what prompts us to fulfill our goals.
To reach for things that once felt unattainable and to make our environment something more desirable.
Wanting more is not a bad thing. The desire for more is in no way binary but this blog post is to help you understand that you do not have to spend money because you want control or to feel better.
Spend because it’s helping you in the long term or because you have already paid yourself first and have extra cash.
Keep reading to find out 6 ways to eliminate shopping therapy aka a classic form of emotional spending
1. Find a Hobby
When you feel the urge to pull out your wallet, dig deep into your bowl of hobbies and see if one of those activities makes you feel better.
Whether this is painting, catching up on a show, DIY-ing a new project or aggressively scrubbing a surface in an effort to clean it, you can find something to occupy your time.
This doesn’t have to be an in-depth activity. When choosing one just think of something that won’t stress you out more. If the pressure of deciding feels impossible because you’re overwhelmed with feelings, create a list and work your way down. It helps to make the list before you’re in the midst of an emotional whirlpool because we tend to not think as clearly when we’re upset.
As you get through the list, the goal is for your energy to lighten gradually because all feelings do pass.
2. Reach out to a friend
Tell someone who is emotionally available what’s on your mind. Social interaction can lead to you not only feeling heard when times are hard but if you ask for advice, they may even give you a new view on what you’re dealing with.
When you try to prevent emotional spending by talking to someone there are certain people you should not reach out to.
Who should you avoid when going through a hard time?
The reminder - The person who reminds you how you can’t afford it and makes you feel bad
It’s all about me - The one who can’t keep the focus off of them for long periods of time
The sometimes friend - The friend you don’t talk to often and always remember why during the conversation
The motivational friend - The one who encourages your overspending #YOLO
A good conversation will be with someone who can listen more than tell you their opinion.
3 . Reflect on what just happened
Usually we want to make ourselves better using shopping therapy or emotional spending when we feel triggered.
A trigger doesn’t always have to be because of a negative event. Sometimes we want to reward ourselves because we feel we deserve it and it’s time for a treat.
What is your trigger? Is it stress, feeling overwhelmed, hearing good news from a friend, hearing bad news on the television?
What usually happens right before you want to spend money in a way you wouldn’t have otherwise?
It helps to jot down a list if you find its multiple things that way when you feel the urge to emotionally spend you can check the list and see if the reason why is present.
This can be your reminder and with enough effort and discipline, the reason why you stay indoors or away from online shopping.
4. Validate your feelings
Your feelings are real and valid. No one has to understand them except you and they will fade when they’re ready. Feeling jealous is a normal emotion. Feeling lost or like something is missing is also normal.
Feeling overwhelmed and in need of a change is 100% acceptable. And once you accept that your feelings do not make you a bad person and do not have to be shopped away; peace will come.
We do not live in a binary world where every feeling is either good or bad, likely it is as complex as we are. Feeling overwhelmed is because of several factors and not just one.
5. Think of your end goal
If you went out and spent money today on X item or activity what would you be giving up?
Often emotional spending gives us tunnel vision because we can only see the immediate gratification. The immediate feeling of relief associated with distraction from our problems prevents us from truly understanding the consequences.
If you are spending the money you had left over until your next check because your bills are paid then you always want to think of the next day.
Spending $60 of your $100 at one time and leaves you with $40 left to last you until the next payperiod.
Thinking of your money in terms of how long it has to last you [without it being uncomfortable] can motivate you to stay on your budget.
For me, any extra money I have left over even if it’s $25 is something that can be saved for Christmas, go toward a long term saving goal, or be rolled over as an account buffer for the next pay period.
Related post: How creating a sinking fund can reduce stress
What do you want your money to do for you?
6. Make more money
Some people just aren’t ready to give up shopping therapy and realize that only if they had an extra $50 in their pocket they would not have any trouble splurging on what they want.
Taking on a side gig will take good time management skills on your end but having extra cash flow will allow you more room in your budget.
Some people take on Uber eats, Uber driving, selling home cooked meals, selling hair or nail services, selling digital templates/ products, baby sitting, animal sitting, getting a second part time job.
More cash will allow you to comfortably live the lifestyle you have now or even bring to light new goals you want to work toward.
Emotions are normal
Shopping therapy itself can have negative consequences because it can lead to living above your means or encouraging you to buy things you don’t really want.
But feeling your emotions will not harm anyone. Take a second and breathe.
Shaking your head because you see everyone on vacations when you scroll through social media won’t sabotage their trip. Instead it allows you to see what you want more of in your own life. Now the work is to figure out how you can get it.
Do you need to budget more even if you hate budgeting? Or is it an issue with not thinking ahead and feeling motivated to save for financial goals?
Once you accept you are human with feelings everything starts to feel less like a tsunami of “OMG we must shop and stop this” and more of a “okay, we’re going through X and it’s okay we will get through this”
In conclusion
Shopping therapy is easy to do because it brings out focus away from how we feel. If we can start to accept our feelings, or at least validate them our hard earned cash can stay in our pocket.
Understanding ways to make shopping therapy a last resort gives you more financial control and can lead to your overall personal growth. This is a journey of babysteps.
You can do it one moment at a time. Let us know in the comments what makes you want to use shop therapy and don’t forget to scroll for your FREE guide for becoming your best self.
